Bacon, Trees, and a Princess
by Cromakai
Summary: Hiei Suichi and Youko recieve a mission from Koenma to save a kidnapped princess. Yes in this story Suichi and Youko are two different people.


Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho.

A/N: My cousin and I devised this little piece of work. Hope you enjoy.

**Bacon, Trees, and a Princess**

Hiei, Youko and Suichi were unusual men; Hiei was a fire demon and Youko a fox demon and Suichi was a Human. All of them lived in the Makai, Demon World. Youko was Suichi's Demon counterpart, that is, they could share one body with two souls. The outer appearance would be that of Suichi's, a tall, thin lightly tanned, redhead with emerald green eyes. Though they shared the same body at times, Youko looked quite different from his Human alter ego. He was taller than Suichi with a tone body, long silver hair, pale skin and golden eyes. Hiei on the other hand was only 4' 10" tall with pale skin, spiky black hair with a burst of white in the front and crimson red eyes.

These three men were on a mission given to them by their 'boss'. Koenma, the junior lord of Hell. He had sent them to the far eastern part of Makai to rescue the fair Princess Faloogaloogie. She was the most beautiful girl in all the land. The evil Jerry had kidnapped her and planned to feed her to his pet human-pug hybrids if her father did not surrender his kingdom.

Jerry had many pet humans, he gave them numbers in place of names—names were too difficult. When he reached his numerical limit, which was forty, he was forced to give them letters. He did not know what he was to do after he ran out of those.

His humans were shorter than three feet tall. With their pug-like bodies and humanoid features, they were truly hideous. They could not speak, so their only form of communication was varied tones of barking and howling.

Hiei, who was madly in love with the princess, wanted to save her most of all. He had only one problem, Youko and Suichi. They did not seem to notice the importance of this mission.

"My love is in danger, we have to hurry!" Hiei demanded, enraged at their laziness.

"I'm not finished with my bacon, there is no hurry." Youko said as he picked up another juicy piece of greasy pig.

"This tree is dying, I need to save it." Suichi frowned, placing one hand on the trunk of an old tree.

"Koenma assigned us the mission today," Youko began, picking out his next delectable bacon strip, "we can start tomorrow."

"Look at this tree, it's mourning." Suichi frowned, searching through his vast seed collection to find the right one. "Ah! Here it is," he said, pulling a seed from his long red hair, "it will be alright. Such a pity…" He drifted off into his own world with the tree.

"We will leave in an hour!" Hiei ordered them harshly.

An hour had past and Hiei had fallen asleep, Youko was still taking his time eating his bacon and Suichi had successfully saved one hundred damaged trees. Hiei woke up to a rustling in the bushes. What did they have to deal with now?

It was a humongous demon and it had come for Youko's treasured bacon; that was not okay. "MINE!" Youko yelled. "You can't have it!" He shouted at the hungry demon, disapproving of his antics. It took his less than five seconds to completely eliminate the demon from existence. After it was good and dead, he continued eating his delicious bacon.

After that was over, they were finally on their way. Youko was still eating his bacon; he had begun talking to it as well. "You have gotten prettier my bacon. You taste so good." He crooned as he stroked a particular strip of bacon before lowering it into his open mouth.

"Oh, look at all these trees that need my help," Suichi ran over to a nearby tree, "Oh! Aren't plants simply amazing!" He exclaimed excitedly, prancing around the tree.

"My love, I will save you." Hiei made a silent promise. "Nimrods! Hurry up! My love is still in danger!" Hiei shouted at his companions.

"Fine," Suichi pouted, "just one more tree." He placed his hand on the tree and sent a burst of energy through it.

"Is there bacon involved in this?" Youko asked.

Hiei groaned, "Just follow me." He instructed.

Later that evening, the team reached a series of underground caves linked by various tunnels.

Suichi looked at Hiei, "Do you really like her that much?" He asked.

Hiei glared at the redhead, "Yes, I do." He answered, annoyed.

"If you want to save Faloogaloogie, you have to get through this cave first." A one-eyed bat demon said as he sat on a tree branch over the cave's entrance.

Ignoring the bat demon, Hiei went into the cave, followed shortly by Youko and Suichi who clung to the fox like the shirt on his back.

Suddenly, cheeseburgers began falling from the cave's ceiling. "Attacking cheeseburgers?" Suichi asked, confused. "This is really going to mess up my hair," he pouted, "Oh, and I worked so hard fixing it this morning."

"Don't let their wonderful scent deceive you, they are rock hard." Youko informed them, dropping a tooth marked cheeseburger to the caves floor.

"That's funny, all the ones that are falling on me are greasy and mushy. It's so gross." Suichi whined.

"Come on! You two are pathetic." Hiei complained, pushing them along.

"You wouldn't want to be hit with a greasy fast-food item either." Suichi whined, pulling bits of cheeseburger from his long red hair. "Oh, this one's from McDonalds, gross."

It had taken a while, but they finally reached the next cavern. Oh no! There, in a dark corner of the rectangular cavern, stood a ferocious monster. It's razor sharp teeth and beady black eyes were horrifying. It opened it's mouth and uttered a "quack".

Youko rolled his eyes, "Which one is going to fight the rubber ducky?" Youko asked, pointing toward the giant yellow menace.

Suichi, bravely took a step forward, "I will take this one." He said. "But," he turned and pointed a finger at his companions, "I call dibs on a more challenging opponent later in our travels."

The duck bellowed in a high-pitched squeak, "I will quack you up!" It began running, frantically, toward Suichi. The redhead, remaining calm, simply stepped aside causing the duck to crash into the cavern's wall. He started to cry, Suichi—being the caring sap that we was—walked over to it and cheered the duck up.

"Don't try to attack people." He told the duck, "Now, go and do the right thing!" With that, he sent the rubber menace away.

The threesome moved into the next cavern and up the long, spiraling staircase. "I wish those cheeseburgers would have been edible." Youko sighed, disappointed with the distasteful food.

The one-eyed bat demon appeared in front of them, "You will never get through the cave, Faloogaloogie is in the castle outside this labyrinth of caverns." He said. "But, you will never get that far."

Hiei pulled his katana from behind his black cloak and sliced the bat demon in two. "That stupid Cyclops bat was really getting on my nerves." He said, annoyed. "Besides, this 'labyrinth' is really pathetic."

In the next cavern there were fifty pig demons, one hundred duck demons, and eighty human/pug hybrids. The next thing the group knew, there were separated. Youko was in a room with the pigs, Suichi was stuck with the ducks, and Hiei had to deal with the human/pugs.

"None of you want my bacon, right?" Youko asked, glaring at the pig demons as he clutched his beloved pig meat to his chest.

"No," they oinked.

The fox sighed in relief, the pigs did not want his beloved bacon. "We will destroy you with my oinking power!" The group of pigs cried in unison.

Youko's eyes went wide as he looked down at his bag of bacon, it was almost empty. "Oh no!" he exclaimed, "I am almost out of bacon! I must get more!" He looked around the room, frantically searching for a potential source of bacon. "PIGS!" He shouted, pointing at the group of swine.

The pigs looked at each other, "What is he talking about?" They asked one another. In the midst of their confusion, Youko killed ten of the pig demons.

After the pig demons died, they transformed into small bags of bacon. "Now I have a good supply of bacon." The rest of the pig demons fled in utter horror at the sight of the comrades deaths. Youko located the door and exited the cavern with his large bag of bacon.

Meanwhile, in another room, Hiei was having some difficulty with the human/pugs, the only thing they did was whine and whimper.

"You are the enemy!" Hiei yelled. "Fight, you disgusting pug dogs!" He was never going to reach his beloved at this rate. He had to formulate a plan to get to the door without having to deal with these pathetic creatures.

"Will you rub my belly?" One of the human/pugs asked, "Master hasn't delivered our daily belly rubs yet."

Hiei looked shocked, "…what?..." he asked, confused. "You… you're supposed to fight." His expression changed from confused to enraged. "Your not supposed to get your 'belly' rubbed!" He yelled. "And here thought that I was going to get an acceptable battle." He sighed. Shoving the human/pugs aside, he stormed out of the room.

In another room, Suichi was face to bill with a large group of duck demons. "Do you have fleas?" He asked calmly.

"We will not be like the last duck!" The largest of the ducks exclaimed, angrily. "Unlike him, we are not pathetic messes!"

"Must we engage in battle?" Suichi asked as a tear streamed down his lightly flushed cheek. "Fighting makes me sad. All I ever wanted was to save the plants, the animals, and Hiei's love. Oh, is that too much to ask?"

"Just hurry up and get ready!" The leader ordered him.

Suichi looked up at the leader. "Get ready? For a fight? But, violence is bad. It doesn't solve anything. It only makes things worse." His eyes sparkled, "We could be friends!"

"I don't want to be friends." The leader said, "My job is to terminate you!"

Suichi looked around the cavern at all the ducks, their eyes like daggers. 'Can't anyone understand me?' He thought as he walked over to a small plant that was growing in a corner of the room. Petting a leaf of the plant he asked the ducks, "Are you sure that you want to engage me in a battle?"

"Yes!" The ducks quacked as one.

"You still have time to change your mind."

"We are positive! Now, quit stalling!"

"Alright, then. I shall make your defeat quick." He picked the plant and sent a burst of energy through it, transforming it into a thorny whip. The plant had turned out to be a rosebud. "Rose Whip!" Suichi cried as he slashed the weapon through the horde of ducks, obliterating them altogether. He transformed the whip back into a rose and placed it behind his ear. Then exited the room.

They were now all in an open field together, standing outside three doors. In the center of the field, there stood a small castle, built from cardboard boxes, twigs and straw. "That is just about the saddest castle I have ever seen." Hiei said.

"I wonder if they have bacon." Youko said, staring at the door to the castle.

"PLANTS!" Suichi cried, prancing over to a small grove of trees. "Beautiful trees, and so well cared for, too." She said, examining the mini grove.

"Forget it!" Hiei demanded, "We are so close to my beloved now. I can almost hear her voice calling out to me." He closed his eyes and listened to the breeze.

"Um… that's because she's leaning out the window, waving at you and yelling at you to go away." Youko informed him, pointing up at the highest window of the tallest tower.

"Typical." Suichi said, looking up at the princess. "Let me guess, now there's a dragon involved, right?" He sighed, "These fairytale antics are annoying."

"Whatever." Hiei said, "Why is she telling me to leave?" He looked at Youko. "Fox, can you hear her saying anything else?"

"Hm?" Youko looked at him. "Oh, she wasn't actually telling you to leave, I just really want to go home."

"Well, can you hear what she's saying?" The annoyed fire demon asked.

"Sure I can." The fox tilted his head, "why did you want to know or something?"

Hiei heaved a sigh, "Yes." He told the fox. "Tell me."

"Okay, she says," he cleared his throat, "'I'm not actually in danger, you can go home. Jerry and I are getting married.'" He placed a piece of bacon in his mouth.

"So," Suichi began, "basically, she was telling him to leave. Bummer."

Hiei looked heartbroken. "You think he'll be okay?" Youko asked the redhead, only slightly concerned.

"Oh, yeah." Suichi said. "He'll probably get over her soon enough."

"Let's go get some cheeseburgers." Youko said, "Suddenly, I have a huge craving for them. Plus, they'd go great with my bacon.

"Okay." Suichi agreed. "And after that, I can go back to saving the trees in the forest." They picked up Hiei and left back through the labyrinth of caverns.

THE END

A/N: Thank you for reading, please review.


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